188.6!

I haven't written in a couple of days because my weight was back up in the 190s. I don't necessarily think it was from bad eating habits- more of natural fluctuation (especially if I nursed or not in the morning before I weigh myself). BUT, I did have a hard time over the weekend with keeping "bites" out of my mouth. I like to do a lot of my food prep for the week on the weekends. And boy, did I notice all the little bites and tastes adding up... or if something doesn't quite fit into a container, I'll just eat it. Or rearranging the fridge to get all of the milk to fit- Well, there's just a little bit of one of the children's leftovers. I'll eat it, and then we'll have more room! After figuring all of that out on Saturday, I opted to chew on a toothpick while I prepped on Sunday. It worked pretty well, because it is next to impossible to chew on a toothpick, and mindlessly eat at the same time!

Hooray for weight going down! It certainly isn't the two pounds a week I experienced while on the LA Weight Loss diet, but it's good enough- and a whole lot cheaper! I have to remind myself that just 200 extra calories a day that I don't need adds up to 2 pounds of weight gain each month! Not only do I want to not put it on, I want to lose!

189.4!

Wow! It sure feels nice to be back in the 80s! I think it's been since birth that I've been in the decade of the 90s! I'm pleased with my progress so far, but it's hard to think of it long-term. Really, I'd ideally be around 140, but that's nearly a year away at this pace! However, I'm trying to adopt habits for life, so in that case, it should seem a little easier.

Had two "trials" yesterday, and mastered both! Neighbor brought over cookies. Yummy! I had ONE! One, that was very good. And that's all. Each of the children had one, and the rest when in a container for Daddy's lunch today. I was done with them. They weren't a temptation anymore, and that felt good. (But, I did make myself some hot cocoa afterward!)

Also, there was a meal at church. And I chose one piece of dessert there, as well, but it was angel-food cake, which I believe is fat free. I had enough chips to not feel deprived, lots and lots of carrot sticks and a hot-dog and bun. And I didn't get hungry until nearly bedtime. Two-months ago, I could see myself eating two hot dogs, a couple of carrots , lots of chips, and 2-3 desserts. Totally gluttonous!

190.6...

The afternoons are probably the hardest. I think I like to munch when I have stuff to do, and I keep thinking, "Really... two more hours til snack time?" Which is hard when my tummy's growling. However, I have been having something to keep it calm. But, the trick is...something... not somethings!

I'm planning my menu for next week, and have some yummy and nutritious foods on the line-up. It's depressing to me when I have cheap/healthful foods on the menu that I don't really like! I feel like I'm only allowed so many calories, I want to use them on something yummy!

Having an internal debate about whether or not to buy pop this time around. I LOVE a good cold calorie free drink. But, some say artificial sweetners are unhealthy (though something I recently read begged to differ). I think the pop would help me during the afternoon when I want to munch... but it's hard to justify getting something for nothing.

Part of me thinks I should just save the pop for special occasions, like going out to eat... but it costs just as much to get one drink at a restaurant as it does to get a week's worth at t he grocery store!

190.4!

Maybe I should reward myself for each decade I go down, and then reward for every month that I maintain? I'm reading a good book about Thin for Life, which has maintenance advice from the masters, who have kept off over 20 pounds for over 3 years. Some really good thoughts in it: don't go anything to lose weight that you can't continue to do for the rest of your life. I need to keep that in mind! That means it's ok to have 1/2 a doughnut in Bible Class, as long as I don't have a whole one. Because that means I don't feel deprived, so I won't go home and eat the whole pan of Rice Krispie bars in the fridge. So, I had one this morning. I tried to savor every bite. And as I savored it, I realized it was OK, but that's all. It was not really that good. I'd rather have fresh strawberries! The more I think about the food, the better.

On Thursday, I injured my shoulder, oddly, turning over. So, probably a little less hard exercise for me in the future.

192.4

So, I'm one pound down, but that's the least of it all! I feel light- not guilty about putting all sorts (well, sometimes just too much!) of junk into my body. There's a certain pleasure to guilt-free eating. I haven't restricted anything at this point, but I am making myself write everything down. And little nibbles or bites count at 25 calories... they add up quickly! The other day, I actually took some food OUT of my mouth, that I had mindlessly shoved in it. I didn't even realize I was eating it! Crazy! My husband put up some nice Bible passages and quotations next to our treadmill as encouragement. I hope to be walking/running outside again soon.

This morning, I only had 15 minutes on the treadmill before breakfast, but tried to make the best of it: 5 minutes at 3mph, 5 minutes running at 5 mph, and 5 minutes back at 3mph. Seriously... I ran for5 minutes straight! A year and a half ago, I would have thought nothing of it, but now, that's triumph!

One day down...

...however many more than God wills to go=) Yesterday went well, with a total of around 1700 calories, 40 grams from fat, and 110 of carbs. Had a bad night of sleeping, though, so I didn't get up and exercise like I would have liked to (but I did walk about 1 mile this morning). I tried to listen to my body yesterday, eating when I was hungry, and stopping when I was full. I also sipped tea throughout the day and chewed on a toothpick when I just wanted something in my mouth. Worked pretty well!

Philosophy

So, now what? I've decided to write down everything I'm putting into my mouth (except coffee...) for two weeks. For this time period, I won't set any calorie goals. I know I should be eating around 1800 calories a day for weight loss (while fully nursing), and I'm sure I'm eating way more than that... so I want to see it visually. From a reputable company online, I figured that for my height and frame, I should be consuming about 1600 calories a day (I'm adding 200 for nursing), 340 of which should be fat calories = approximately 40 grams of fat a day. I remember from reading Atkins that the low-carb diet maintenance should be 60 carbs or fewer a day. I thought I'd track both of those in addition to calories.

In addition to that, I'm aiming to steer away from artificial sweetners, especially since whatever goes in my body will be going to Price. Plus, all that diet food costs more for fewer calories...doesn't seem like very good stewardship to me! Why should I pay $1 more to buy bread that is 40 cal a slice rather than 80, and then consume two pieces of it instead of one? Why consume 8 oz of artifically sweetened yogurt, when I could eat 4 oz of regular for the same amount of calories? I know, I know, its image! It looks like more so that I don't feel like I'm depriving myself. BUT, I don't want to keep kidding myself... I want to learn how to listen to my stomach and have that stomach communicate with my brain, and develop self-control. It's much more than just losing weight, its learning to know myself.

What are my weak points? Diet soda... Chocolate... stopping myself from eating if it's in the house! If I don't buy it, I can't eat it, right? Well, if there isn't chocolate in my house... I'll make toast, or eat a banana, or make a milkshake, or whatever. Sounds ok, except that I'm usually not hungry when I eat it. And because I'm not good at portion control, I never know when I should stop. I eat until something's gone or I feel sick. I need to remember to eat slowly... it took me 25 minutes to feel full at lunch today, and that was when I ate my last of 4 ounces of strawberries! That worked out well.

Fruits are my strong point. I love fruit! I need to maximize fresh fruit for calories, but it is so expensive!

I'm not sure if I should treat myself to a piece of dark chocolate a day or not.... I love it, but I think I'd end up eating the whole bar (like I've done in the past) if I have it in my house!

My Weight History

I have a memory of gobbling down fun-size candy bars as a little girl. We lived in Mankato, and my brother and I were usually home alone after school. I must have been in second grade, or so. I discovered my father's secret stash of Nestle Crunch bars. I thought I would just sneak one. But, I kept coming back to the stash, until there were just a pile of wrappers. I don't remember any questions from my parents about it. But I know my brother says he remembers me always eating a lot after school. Perhaps I was lonely, but I suppose that's when the bad habits started. I don't think my parents overfed us. We didn't have a lot of veggies growing up (we had a lot of potatoes, great on a pastor's salary!), but we had small portion sizes and fruit frequently.

When I was in fifth grade or so, I remember seeing a seventh grader on the playground, and realized that she didn't have the same little tummy fat roll that I did. Then, I looked around and noticed that most people didn't have that tummy roll! I had never thought about it before! Thus, I became body-conscious.

Off to boarding high school. I never had an eating disorder, per se. I (over) ate three meals a day in the cafeteria, and rarely had the money to buy snacks to keep in the dorms. But, there were always yummy treats that mom sent along with me from home, and parties, etc, where I would eat until I couldn't eat anymore....just in case I might get hungry again before the next meal in the cafeteria.

Freshman year in college went really well. I stayed busy. In the spring, I weaned myself from some thyroid medication over 6 weeks, and thus gained a lot of weight. My heaviest weight was 225 pounds. But, I went home that summer, confident that I could lose the weight. I joined the YMCA for the summer, and walked or ran several times a week. I'd had some experience with running from cross-country in high school, and some nutrition knowledge from classes in high school and college. Looking back, though, I probably ate too little that summer, and didn't lose weight like I had hoped. I was probably around 200 lbs when I returned for my sophomore year at Bethany.

I got married the summer between my sophomore and junior years at Bethany. Two weeks before we were married, I got back from spending three weeks in Africa. I had hoped to lose a few pounds while I was there. But didn't really have any tools to do so. When I changed my maiden name to my married name on my new driver's license, I listed my weight at 175.

Ryan and I really ate healthfully. We consumed mostly whole grains, usually had only one dessert a week, would snack on chips and salsa, etc. But, I've never really been interested in eating veggies. I only do it now to set a good example for my children. However, now I look back and understand that even though I was eating healthy food, I was eating too much of it- too many calories.

I crossed the 200 mark again with my pregnancy with Grace, and seemed to only lose her birth weight over the next few months. My body needed a lot of calories to make milk, but when I started gaining weight, rather than losing it, I knew something had to change. My mom had had some weight loss success at LA Weight Loss. We decided to put down the $800 (half of which I could earn back if I met my weight loss goal) and off I went. I started in July, and had reached 150 (my goal) by January. The accountability of the program was great, as well as food journal part. Late in January, we found out that God had blessed us with another baby, due in October. I had reached my weight loss goal, and was now cocky... I lost it once... I know how to eat well... I can lose it again. I ate whatever I wanted when I was pregnant with Rose. I ballooned back up to 210. Now, I don't at all mind gaining weight for my babies, however, I was abusing that privilege and eating more than I needed. After Rose was born, I still had several weeks left that I had previously purchased at LA Weight Loss, and I worked my way down, a little more slowly, back to 145. I was feeling great, and had so much energy! Then, God blessed again, with baby 3! My morning sickness was bad, and so I ate to control it, and blood sugar swings. And after those were gone, during the second and third trimesters, I just kept eating. Now, Price is nearly 5 months old, and I'm still at 194 lbs. I know just thinking about losing weight won't help me lose it, but that's what I've been trying to do for about 2 months. I haven't paid to join any program because, mentally, I know most everything they could teach me. I just need the accountability and I need to start. If God sees fit to bless us with more children, I don't want this cycle to continue. I want to reach a healthy weight, and stay there (plus 30 pounds if I'm pregnant- not 60!) This blog will be my accountability for losing weight and trying to become overall healthier in general.

Gotta Start Somewhere!

Well, here we go! I can't fink out if I'm public to the world, right? Let's get healthy!